Sometimes or should I say often times, life has a way of changing ones trajectory especially when you let go.
Letting go is one of the most difficult challenges that we face as beings residing in human earth suits. It is the core of great pain and great wounding that and grief, which is again about letting go.
When you let go of a loved one, either through death or breakup or misadventure of some kind, its tests your soul, your spirit and your resilience.
Letting go is easily said by many new age quotes…. yet most find it incredibly difficult to actually do.
Being a human is about learning about ‘being a human’. Letting go is one of the biggest lessons this earthly incarnation offers. So many paths refer to it and its importance and much of the learning is in the actual experience itself. Theory can intellectually help one understand but in general is not so helpful in the actual ‘art of letting go’. The actual process of letting go enriches the soul and we are all at different stages of this learning curve, for some the process takes longer depending on what one is letting go of. Certain areas of life it can be easier yet not in others.
Letting go can be equated to what can be referred to as a ‘little death’. From a shamanistic viewpoint there are many little deaths scattered throughout our lives. The shaman themselves moves through a massive death to rebirth in order to be of service. Many cannot move through that kind of spiritual death, and really for those that say ‘I want to be a shaman’ BEWARE; it’s a challenging and a deeply profoundly disturbing ride at times. Don’t ever wish that upon yourself.
I refer to myself as a Contemporary Shaman because I have not come through the traditional pathway of the original people or descended from a lineage of shamans. However my inner death was deeply disturbing and profound which totally changed my trajectory in life. Spirit ushered me into the shaman’s path and so much of my old Auric skin was shed it hurt beyond belief. Now when I look back I can see how it formed my path of service to assist in soul trauma recovery and I am eternally grateful for the shedding.
Recently I felt compelled to let go of the home I was living in by the sea. Spirit was prodding at me from different directions. I like many others tend to get comfortable in my nook but the prodding kept coming within and without. So on my earth birthday I took myself off to a peaceful beautiful Tibetan retreat for a few days, one day was a course on Tibetan view to mental health which I totally absorbed as they honor the shamanic perspective and the other my day of birth… The inner prodding was clearly felt within the surrounding compassionate vibration of the retreat and without any struggle at all I decided to let go of my home by the sea that I had been renting for eight years. I had booked to run a training previously so both happened simultaneously.
I was packing up and setting up for running a two-day training. Sleep was a challenge as I had so many lists running around in my head even though I had written everything down.
People close to me were asking ‘So what are you going to do?’ All I knew was the first stage, I would go into the sacred caldera of a mountain and help a spirit sister type up her novel for two months whilst staying in a funky, wonderful converted van with a big verandah in the midst of nature. After that I had no idea. Sure trainings would be a part of it, Skype sessions, journey sessions where I could and possible collaborations…but nothing set in stone so to speak.
Then in the midst of my letting go of my home, packing and running Contemporary Soul Retrieval Training, I heard from my older brother saying my 83-year-old mother was very down and not well due to a chest infection. Right in the middle of it all. To be honest I had a momentary meltdown and said to my brother, you get on a plane just this once and go there, this is the one time I can’t. My mother told me she was ok, but I knew she wasn’t. After the training finished I loaded all my belonging, moved all my stuff into storage with some help from a few pals and booked a flight to see her. The hills could wait a week.
Yesterday after much crying on both our parts and me demanding she let me in to look after her (like many loving mothers she does not want to burden her children), it has been decided that after my two months in the hills will move to live with her, sound proof the en suite double room (she likes the TV loud and it does my head in) and be here for her as a carer and companion in her last years, making sure I take a week or a week and a half off a month to retreat, to be with friends, to do sessions and trainings in different locations. Which is healthy for us both. Oh yes and get a cat.
Trajectory changing yet again.
The thing is when it was decided I suddenly felt the incredibly strong presence of my father who had left his body fifteen years ago; it brought tears to my eyes. This is was my next path of service and he was so very glad.
This change will bring other opportunities and my service to others will not stop it just may be altered somewhat. I have seen others be self-sacrificing but depressed at the changes life can bring, but it doesn’t have to be that way. This is an opportunity to both be here for the woman who has been there for me since she carried me in her womb (and who knows how many lives before that) and look at adapting how I run my service to others. I love teaching and education trainings that I run. I love offering Skype sessions to those in need and I love doing session work (that may just be in a more concentrated one week a month format) It’s just a different trajectory and a new skin I am growing.
The place my mother lives in not my favorite place at all, but I will seek out things to nourish my soul, buy myself warmer boots and coats and make the space I will sleep in, my kind of sacred nook that reflects my soul.
Adapting is part of the human path as is letting go but that does not mean you need to lose yourself along the way, you just transform as you go and allow yourself to grieve that which you are letting go of. It’s paramount to NOT lose yourself, as then your service will be half-hearted, somewhat broken and can lead to resentment, which is no service at all to you or anyone else.
Letting go is an experience one needs to let happen in order to see where spirit would have you go next. It can be scary, it can be daunting but if you feel the prodding from within, take heed…there is an opportunity that awaits and it may bring exactly what your soul needs to fulfill its path her on earth.