Voices Within

The long-awaited novel is finally here!

It’s said we all have a book to be written within, we all have a story that needs to be told. For some on the inner path, it might be a story about overcoming personal issues or a story that reflects a part of their consciousness or understanding in some way.

This story, Voices Within, my novel, was a seed I first noticed in my teens and then after many journeys and growth spurts along the way, it grew and began to tell itself to me, literally. I wanted to tell a tale of a different kind. One that blends my understandings and views on the subject of mental illness, to take it somewhere that spans more than this current reality, and to show that no matter how dark, with resilience one can indeed overcome. My other books are nonfiction based but this one, this story has been waiting many years to be told. Some parts of it are not easy to read and can be triggering so please be mindful of the warning in the front, but as we all know most human journeys are dappled in light and shadow and to ignore the shadow does not help to move through it.

About the Book

Isabo Campbell wakes up in a juvenile psych ward with no memory of how or why she is there. Her father, who also happens to be her psychiatrist, is reluctant to authorize her release. Weeks before Isabo was found in a church, full of rage, smashing the altar to pieces and screaming for justice.After her eventual release, Isabo albeit reluctantly begins to listen to her voices within. Beckoned to follow a trail of visions … she is transported back to 16th-century Scotland, the era of witch-hunts! This is a story steeped in memories from a dark time and like a puzzle needs the pieces to be found and put back together. Isabo Campbell is nothing if not courageous in the face of the unknown. This is a tale of insight, consciousness, and recovery, just not the type you are used to hearing about within the halls of psychiatric wards. Isabo courageously immerses herself in both worlds on a quest for the truth.

Voices Within is available in Paperback and Kindle Internationally

Please head to my website and the book section to purchase.

Blessings from Within



Defining Moments

What defines us? What shapes us?

What defines you? What experiences have defined you in one way or another?

I watched the Netflix interview with Viola Davis last night. Viola is a favourite of mine. She dives deep into her characters. As I have a kinship to the theatre industry due to half my life on the boards, I admire her exploration into every role and you can tangibly feel that she pulls from a very deep place to access her emotions in her authentic portrayal of the character.

The interview was about her book and her personal story of survival. She was raw and authentic and my goodness I admire the will and the courage she has had to never give up no matter what, considering how very little she had to begin with both on a practical level and the trauma that she experienced.

Her willpower to me is akin to a warrior, to not only survive but thrive. Playing the Woman King recently seems very apt.

There were great pearls of insight to reflect upon within the interview. How one perceives life from lenses filled with trauma and abject poverty and how one finds the light at the end of the tunnel by sheer tenacity and yes luck, but mainly a strong will to know that things could be better and that you are the one to create that.

One question that was discussed, stood out strongly for me and put me into a state of deep self-reflection.

Moments in life that defined you.

Viola spoke of her inner child running from the abusive racist schoolboys and how that was symbolic of how she felt like she was always running away from abuse. Another was when she stood up to her father, terrified beyond measure, but something in her had had enough.

These two defining moments were incredibly powerful for her and naturally led me to my own reflections, Which I am inviting you to participate in for your own growth and insight.

Reflecting back on the past doesn’t mean we live there in that story of pain. I want to make that crystal clear. We enter into the past to retrieve the aspects of self that were lost, damaged and fragmented. We do that so we can feel more whole and less disassociated. If you go into the past to look at how bad it was or use it as a reason for not moving forward, then it’s of no use and it can make you feel like you are stuck in a swamp of upset. It’s of no value.

If however you can look back as an observer of pivotal moments in life and see how they shaped you both the positive and the negative, then you can see from a less charged perspective what you may have lost or gained at that moment and then cleanse it and reclaim or purge in some way.

So, as always, I will share my experience.

Defining moments in my life

Firstly, I am ‘allowing’ a memory to surface rather than going searching for which one I think, ‘should’ be the defining moment.

The one that arises strongly as a visual memory is a powerful one.

As an army brat, we moved around a great deal and I went to all sorts of schools. Rough public schools where bullies bashed kid’s at lunch time for entertainment to the elite boarding schools where you were made to suffer via peer exclusion and humiliation.

I was at a boarding school after attending a very rough public school. Initially, I was put into the school as a day kid to then merge into a boarder when my parents were overseas. This boarding school was co-ed and felt better than the other all-girl boarding school where I begged to leave.

Julie Dillon art

I adapted fairly quickly and was involved in quality theatre productions as was my way. I had returned back from work experience at a Theatre Company to my private dorm room which was modern and architecturally pleasing.

I had only just showered, leaving most of my bag to unpack in the morning as I was bone tired. As soon as it was lights out time, 11 girls without invitation filled my room.

I was trapped in my bed and bullied beyond belief. They were all accusing me of stealing and one pulled something out of the top of my bag that I know I did not put there. They were vicious and relentless, threatening to take me to the headmaster. My inner victim took it hard. I tried to speak up but was gaslit and harassed at every turn. The woman closest to me I thought was a friend, was loving it. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Nothing was resolved. They suddenly all got up to go upstairs, clearly not caring about what they had done and even had the gaul to invite me for a cup of tea. I was so numb, so shocked, so fragmented, I actually followed and in the dim upstairs area sipped a tea watching them all chatter and smile at each other.

The defining memory is not that night, it’s what happened after.

I’m not sure if it was the next day or the one after but I vividly remember the upstairs loft area of the boarding unit near the tea area. I remember the handrails of the staircase and the large windows view of the trees being blown by the breeze.

I was standing in front of a head girl, the ringleader of the eleven girls. I recall that she was a great deal taller than me. She approached me on the landing wanting to talk.

As my body drew back, ready for another emotional assault. She said, ‘Hey sorry about last night, we knew it wasn’t you, but we needed to flush the real thief out.’ The real thief was the girl sitting the closest who I thought was my friend.‘It’s all good, we found all the stuff and she will probably be expelled.’

At that moment, the very small, insecure pleaser me, snapped and snapped hard.

My recall is raising the one thing I had, my voice. I raised it for the whole world to hear! (Directors always told others to follow my lead in voice projection as I could hit the back wall with my voice without even trying.)

‘How dare you do that to me!! Who the fuck do you think you are!’ it began and went on for a good while. I was an angry cat on a hot tin roof emotionally and my righteous need for justice was spitting out of my mouth! What I recall of her reaction was big brown eyes not blinking. She did not move a muscle. She was not expecting what I was delivering.

This moment defined many things for me upon reflection.

I have never ever let anyone treat me that way ever again after that. If I have been wronged I make my feelings perfectly clear. I have never allowed anyone to gaslight or abuse me as an adult.

My inner protector is very strong, and for a good while there, it was way too strong and pushed people away. It’s tempered much more nowadays, but it has made me a huge advocate for justice.

Why was this defining moment more relevant than any other bullying I had to endure? And believe me, there was a lot. It was because when the bullies came for me in other instances, my self worth was crap and somewhere in there I believed they were right. I was worthless and deserving of being a scapegoat for their amusement.

The framing situation however was different. Even though I bought into a lot of their cruelty towards me as a truth, I knew deep down somewhere that it wasn’t true. I wasn’t a liar or a thief.

What they did to me was completely unjust and I knew deep down I was not what they were saying I was. I knew it for a fact. I was no thief. That belt in the bag was not mine, nor did I put it there! I was not brave enough to take eleven of them on, I was a tiny framed thing and honestly, I was incredibly scared. However, on finding out that they used to me to flush someone else out, my inner victim switched over into the protector. The protector in me had already arrived but it was laying dormant, ready for when I had had enough and it burst out in righteous indignation.

I have been asked if I reported it. I didn’t. Honestly, I was in no headspace to explain it and make my life as a boarder more unbearable. Later some of them tried to be nice to me and my protector showed them the ice wall and yes that so called friend was expelled.

I have spent a great deal of time melting that ice wall and replacing it with better tools to protect myself. There are kinder more stable boundaries to looking after yourself than ice walls.

Now just to give you a taste of another defining moment, that may not sound positive but to me it really was due to what came from it, this path, my path of service.

When I went to study shamanism and I was coming from a really bad place via horrific nightmares of women being burnt, hung and drowned and voices and thoughts that were menacing me.

Fortunately, I had insight enough to be able to do journeywork. The journey took me to a time of Bedlam the insane asylum of London. That life was full of tragedy, betrayal and great loss and what I witnessed in that life, clearly defined the subject matter that I have a personal kinship with…the path of being of service to the sensitive people of this world.

That life was a massive eye opener and put everything that I felt inside me into context. Later when I researched the archives about that time and what was done to patients, I found proof that substantiated my strange physical convulsions at several points in the journey.

Other life work can be like that. It certainly changed my life and to this day it’s one of the most powerful defining moments of my life. That memory of that teen has no charge due to my work with my fragmented inner teen but by reflecting upon the memory with a little more investigative insight showed me when exactly my protector took hold and makes all my other feelings around the need for fairness and justice for those that are harmed, make sense.

Listening to Viola’s story made me reflect on mine. May part of my story help you to look back on yours, what you feel you have lost and also gained or wish to regain in regard to the defining moments that have impacted your walk.



(c) O. Nightsky 2023

The Path of The Death Walker

by Odette Nightsky

I grew up a lover of graveyards. These places to me were landscapes of mystery and stories told of those who were no longer in form. I also remember watching a very old version of Charles Dickens, Christmas Carol and freaked out when pushed into the dark grave, along with some article about a body being dug up only to find the fingers worn down as they tried to scratch their way out. This must have been after the times of using the bells to ring to say I’m still alive!! This was my intro into the world of death other than the loss of beloved pets which ripped me asunder.

The first time that the death of a human really hit home for me was when I was in my early 20s returning from overseas to find out that my best friend had been killed on an autobahn in Germany. I had missed the funeral and could not resonate with anyone due to being out of sync with the grieving process everyone else was in, as for me it was still a massive shock.

The strongest memory I have of that time is a friend saying to me ‘Oh but you know they are fine, they are on their way to another life.’ Honestly, I wanted to slap her at that moment. She brushed off my grief as if was something irrelevant and instead gave her own philosophy to it. This often happens when the person offering platitudes has not yet experienced the death of a loved one. Although the death happened to my friend, my dearest sweetest sister, the grief, well that was mine to carry and mine to process and it was so damn painful. In those days the waves of grief that slammed me to the ground were really hard to bear as I didn’t understand that I was on a journey of sorts too. The journey of letting my best friend go and also that there was more to this life beyond the physical.

I had no one to process it with. No one to hold space for me and no one who listened deeply because for them, the type of people I was around at that time, found it way too depressing.

I have often said that western society has a lot to answer for in relation to the natural experience of grief and how it’s processed.

I write this blog today in response to a request from a follower who would like to know more about how can we support those who are dying and also how we support ourselves in the grief of losing them. A big subject! So I am going to just roll with what comes up for me when pondering this subject and what things I know of that I have found helpful.

My mind begins swirling with….
Elizabeth Kubler Ross, on the stages of grief
Death Walkers by David Kowalewski
Tibetan book of the dead. Book and documentary
Zenith Virago (Death Walker) Ted Talk on Disrupting Death, a guide to dying well. Training Death Walkers.
Orphan Wisdom, Stephen Jenkinson,

The reason why this list comes to mind is that from these sources I learned some powerful insights regarding the path of Death Walkers. We all specialise in different areas and they are who I would recommend if you really want to dive into the subject.

My sharing as usual comes from my experience, and if you know my writings, that is where I always start from as my personal experiences have always been my greatest teachers.

As one of strong Celtic blood, have what the old world referred to as ‘The Fey’ this means I can see death.

The first time it appeared really strongly was when I was meeting with a distant relative and saw what seemed like a grey parlour shading her youthful features just above her skin. I had no idea about her health or history and within a short time I was informed that she had passed. So yes, I can often see death coming, but the most potent and sometimes confronting of my abilities is that I often see people at the moment of their death or just before when their spirit disengages from the body.

I saw the moment my best friend died. I saw her in the car, the colour of the car (which was confirmed later) I saw her just before impact, that her spirit had already disconnected and then saw her die. This flashed before my eyes the moment I was told of her death. Like a movie playing before my eyes.

I also see and sense when attending funerals or celebrations of life, the moment the spirit leaves and let’s go fully. It’s very common for the spirit to hang around till the funeral and for the loved ones ( eg: not fully adjusted to the new normal and wanting to let assure their loved ones they are ok even if the loved ones are not receptive).

I felt my father’s spirit leave when they played the last post at his funeral, I saw my friends sons face beam in gold just before being cremated, a dear one came to visit me not long after they took their life yet at that time I had no knowledge that he had done this, I didn’t realise he had come to say goodbye, yet the feeling of his presence was so strong I remember looking outside at night to see if he was there and the next day when his death was confirmed, I knew full well he was there in spirit tipping his hat so to speak.

Does seeing people in spirit who have passed over make it easier? In some ways yes it does but in other ways, no. I am always comforted to know they are ok and not stuck, and have also assisted if they are struggling to ease them into the crossover, but grief is a very human emotion and it cuts deep regardless of how ‘spiritual’ we think we are.

We have all incarnated for this human experience and we will witness the death of people we love and experience our own death walk as we journey through this life.

For those that hold space for the person transitioning towards death, it can be quite stressful especially if they are not in acceptance of the journey that that person is taking. If they lean to want to save, rescue, and control, all seemingly for the benefit of the person dying, it can feel very invasive. Often times they are subconsciously not dealing with the loss that is coming and instead of holding space for the person to let go in the way they wish they are trying to control the narrative for their own sake.

I always suggest the importance of being in step with the person who is on the death walk journey, by following their lead. Yes, you will need to use your intuition because they are not always going to be able to communicate that well. Or call you up and tell you what they want. They will move through many mixed emotions and all of them are valid and should be held space for. It’s also their choice of how they want to die, be that with medical intervention or not. Fear runs riot for many and it’s important that they do not become overwhelmed by others’ fear, pity, advice and need to take over.

Death is a journey. A journey of the spirit in the earth suit, tiring of it and moving towards release. The journey needs to be supported with a gentle, intuitive, light touch. They may need more space than normal as they may be flitting back and forth between the spirit and physical dimensions. They may be more needy and demanding than normal due to their fear of death, of the pain, it’s part of the journey of letting go.

There are people who don’t want to tell others of their death walk because of feeling overwhelmed by other people leaking feelings. If you are a loved one, you need to respect their choice for privacy, however hard you find that. If keeping their confidence is difficult, then seek out a grief counsellor or a grief group to share with.

Remember this journey of death walking is about them and you are there to support and explore what their needs might be to make their journey a gentler one if possible.

For example, if you don’t believe in something that they are choosing to do. Shut up. It’s their body, their choice, and their belief system. Yes, they may be making choices due to fear or something you may not agree with and yes you can help to keep them informed and educate them on options but ultimately it’s up to them. In all cases follow their lead and don’t get too pushy.

Be mindful that they may not respond to you at times as they may not want to talk about it or are in the midst of processing their feelings, but that doesn’t mean you stop caring. You might want to hang out with them and not bring it up, so they can have some time of being free of that ‘Are you ok? How are you?’ look.

Those that are close and walking alongside them on the journey will need a safe person to share with and extra care. They are often the ones passed over as they are the ‘capable’ ones. They too will be moving through a lot of changeable feelings. It’s really important to simply be present and hold space for them in deep listening. Laughter also is a terrific tonic. Yes, laughter and grief often find themselves to be buddies. It’s often a great release. That spark of light in the darkness.

Holding space is simply being fully in body and being fully present with them in total acceptance.

Deep Listening is allowing that person to really share without interruption while being receptive to what they are sharing.

For those who are dying, things like the smell of flowers, the touch of an animal or a child, the taste of a fruit or similar that they had in childhood, being near water, out in nature, gentle soothing music of their choice, reading to them passages from things they love, offering Reiki etc. The senses are still there so if conversation dwindles one of the senses can always be pleased.

For me, the biggest comfort in grief was my connection to spirit. I talk to the dead, I always have.

Like old couples who have been together for years, when one dies the other continues to chat with them. I find I am the same for a good while after they leave their body. I know the veil to be very thin at that time and for me, it tends to come naturally to want to connect with them on the spirit plane.

Others have complained they have not heard from a loved one and in my experience, it’s often because their grief is so deep and all-encompassing that they are blocking the ability to receive the connection.

So for those dying and for those grieving, we need to go gently in our support and follow their lead and at their pace.

Offer ideas, gestures and opportunities without invading their space.

The journey of grief and death deserves to be treated with honour, time and support by people that are fully present and receptive to where they are at and whatever they feel is part of the journey.

Most people aren’t as afraid of death as they are of the suffering leading up to it, this is why we need to honour their choices in how they get there. Grief is also a journey of suffering for those in earth suits and again it should be honoured and respected regardless of your opinion of how it ‘should’ be.

My elder said something many years back that stuck with me, ‘When someone dies they are kept occupied by all the practical things that have to be done, everyone will be offering help, food etc and then people will move on. Be the one that calls 3 months after.’

I hope what I have shared may resonate with some and possibly help others

We are spiritual being dwelling in magnificent earth suits, it’s natural that we all journey through the grieving process and walk the journey beyond this mortal coil. This is a sacred path and needs to be treated with respect be that towards yourself or another on the journey. I personally have found great sustenance and support from spirit and mindfully connected with spirit during these times as I have in spending time in nature, may you find the same.



(c) O. Nightsky 2022

The Art Of Combining Modalities.

This is my experience of combining modalities. May it serve as a springboard to reflect on your own.

Years back when I had my head in researching all things to do with my sensitivity and what modalities might work best, I came across a common narrative.

In the most purist of practices, the leader/teacher/guru would often speak about the dangers of doing other alternative practices as it would dilute the strength of the original.

In one way I was in full agreement, in another I wasn’t at all, because I didn’t want to be limited to one type of modality or belong to any dogma. My astrology chart is ruled by a truckload of mutable water signs so there was no way I was going to fit into anything with a long-term inhibiting structure. Sure, structure is good but not when they become akin to the walls of a prison.

What I did come to understand over time was that one of the reasons this was important to speak of, was that it became common that people would want to join to become nothing but shallow dippers of these practices rather than diving deep and allowing themselves to be fully immersed in that particular path. They would just flip through modalities like a magazine but not read more than the first paragraph of an article, much like a workshop junkie who doesn’t dive deep enough to integrate the practice before signing up for another modality and then call themselves experts and healers of the top sea foam that they swam in.

You don’t get much if you skim the surface of things unless of course, you are a human surfer or a dolphin cutting through the big blue ocean. You also don’t need to be pulled down into the dark deep of being indoctrination into a path that is not adaptable and subtly shames you for thinking outside its philosophy.

Nature is change. More than ever in these times, we need to be adaptable and to move with those changes while holding respect for that which we value.

Spiritually, I have always been a lone diver into the sea of the unconscious and it wasn’t until I found myself journeying through the doors of madness. Through that journey of many little deaths and dark nights of the soul that I came across, the universe led me to….what really suited me.

I found a path of practice, language and understanding, that is as strong today as it was then, maybe even more so. I found a way of working through things that have been consistent, reliable, and most importantly, mutable enough to adapt to other tools that integrate well.

That path of course is Shamanism, and within that path, I discovered that the journeying aspect of shamanism fits me like a glove.

Being a journey guide comes naturally to me.

My path is not one of tradition steeped in indigenous blood ancestry, animal skin, ceremony or traditional ritual, although I have admiration and respect for all the traditional ways and those that handed down the teachings.

I am a modern woman born of Celtic blood and fae knowing who was brought up in the East. I am known as a contemporary shaman and a wound hunter of modern times who is primarily a guide, spiritual midwife and navigator and negotiator in the invisible realms.

I see myself akin to an internal gardener who tracks down thorns, weeds, pests and what lies in the underbrush of the psyche to be cleared so new shoots can be planted, and grown in order to flourish.

Along with this integral part of my service I have over the years added what I feel are authentic complimentary modalities. This is in no way a mishmash recipe of things. These are well-investigated and experienced practices that work along with my shamanic signature.
The keyword that fits in with all the other complimentary modules is JOURNEYING. They all have an element of journeying into the psyche that flavours them. There is a saying, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Yeah, well, I’m all about the journey.

Opening my toolbox book and looking inside just to double check, yes, all the tools actually do have a journey element to them or tools to compliment the healing of that journey.

The wholehearted healing trauma work I do is akin to journeying within the human body and cells to discover what is blocking or has been injured. Be that from the original cause, following an ancestral wounding, tracking a fragment or the loss of a peak state, I am accompanying someone who is on an inner journey of some kind and that’s what I love to do. I love all the negotiating, the navigating and the discoveries that come along with it.

When I first started training in Reiki, I did it to tune in to the flow of the universal life force, but I knew pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to become a Reiki practitioner even though I could see the healing benefits and a way to access to from the source rather than using my own life force. Little did I know I did it for another reason. Something kicked in big time when we were asked to go away and practice on people. I had a tendency to gravitate to the head first, probably because I love it when people would Reiki my own head. I was standing at the crown of the person who was lying on the table and laying my hands close or gently on their head, and after I turned on the symbols and allowed, it felt like I was on a river, journeying alongside the person psyche, seeing bits of their inner story as visuals continued to pop into my mind. I was flying along beside them and picking up on things that stuck out along their inner landscape. For my own clarification, after it kept happening, I asked if my practice clients wanted to know what I saw, they did and to my surprise what I saw was very relevant to where they were on their path. Reiki was one of the early modalities that opened me and connected me to the flow of the invisible realms.

I have always been fascinated by the human psyche and how we are all so different yet so similar. In getting to know the aspects of the self I gravitated to the teachings of Voice Dialogue. A technique born from the Jungian way of understanding our inner archetypes, our inner selves. Jung was dubbed the first modern shaman and compared to others walked through the dark night of the soul, investigated the heck out of it and came through the other side to be of service to others. Voice dialogue for me is akin to journeying deep into the psyche while exploring and engaging with the inner selves that make up who we are. Each self has a reason for existing, each self has its own story and each self goes through its own journey of development.

In shamanism I find myself accompanying people on journeys a great deal. Be that journeying within their psyche, into other lives, their inner selves, recalling lost fragments, the inner child, densities within their subtle bodies, their wounds, their strengths and their spiritual support systems. So if I do add a modality it naturally weaves itself into that way of working rather than detracts or splits from it.

Shamanism in my view is very mutable but has a strong stable core.

Just now an image comes to mind of a tree being blown by the wind, no matter how great the force blowing the branches around, the trunk is sturdy and the roots are deep and connected to the earth. That’s what shamanism feels like to me. A strong reliable core but flexible enough to adapt to the changes that come.

When I am setting up for a client and getting in tune with being of service it’s as if I have begun to journey alongside them already. When the session is finished, my journey beside them ends and I return to my own.

I would suggest if you are looking to refine your practice, look to see what comes naturally to you, what healing modalities you tend to gravitate to when in need and what actually works for you personally. What do you enjoy doing and why? If it’s because you get an ego hit from it, it’s probably not a path of service. If it’s because it comes naturally to you and its effects change, then give it more time and attention.

You see for me when things go to crap, my default, the natural fallback position is to journey within. Why? Because I get results! Tangible results. Think about what your natural fallback portion is in tough times. There is a big clue there.

Shamanism has taught me that I am more than a human form. I am energy in movement and how I work with that energy, unpack it, clear it, is primarily via journeying.

Take time and reflect on your own natural abilities, and what works for you personally, and look to develop these qualities, strengthen them, dive into them, experience them and master them within your path of service. We are all unique and have our own signatures. That signature is woven into your natural talents.

If you are going to make a recipe of modalities, make sure all your ingredients complement each other and, always leave room for adaptability and spontaneity, make sure to taste it along the way to make sure you like what you are creating.

Ps. Write the recipe down so you don’t forget it.



(c) O. Nightsky 2022

From Suffering To Softness

I didn’t understand what suffering meant when I was young. All I knew was that when I didn’t fit in or got the message of rejection, there was deep pain, a sense of being bruised from the inside and it just kept attracting more of the same. From those painful encounters, I would subconsciously decide to continue that exact narrative towards myself into the future.

I truly believed that there was something wrong with me. I via the treatment of my peers condemned myself to be faulty in some way. A flawed excuse for a human being who did not adhere to the path of the collective norm. I did not belong.

I wasn’t the popular girl that was a magnet for guys, I wasn’t the brainy nerd who was wise enough to escape to the library at lunchtime, I wasn’t the sporty girl, the head prefect and I wasn’t the feisty thick-skinned kid who couldn’t care less if I had friends or not. I wasn’t even the bad girl. No, I was none of those.

I was the one that always wanted to know why, but primarily I was the pleaser, the kid that needed to be liked, be accepted and suffered terribly for it.

I remember a time in my early years when I literally tried to buy friends by bringing chocolate to a new school I was trying to adjust to. My heart goes out to that lovely, odd and fun little girl who didn’t think she was enough.

As I aged that belief continued and grew cement shoes. I didn’t fit the normal relationship model of success, I didn’t fit the normal buy a house, have children, have a super fund type of person.

I suffered because I couldn’t become normal and it hurt that I didn’t feel like a member of society. It’s great if you are feisty and eccentric from the get-go, and naturally rebel, but I didn’t have that, I was a good girl looking for approval and good girls are meant to fit the mould.

Do you have kids?
How do you tell someone in a casual conversation that your child died in the womb? And no you can’t carry children?
Are you married?
How do you tell a person that you don’t need to be married but yes you do love men, but just don’t want to be in ownership with one?

And yes, those questions however kindly intended, added a glacier to the suffering as both of the answers brought up wounds for me. Wounds that said, I don’t fit, I failed.

I would never fit the expected ‘normal’ model.

This belief that somehow without a sense of belonging, without having a child, without being married, without having a house to call my own with another, without being included in the land of the norm, I was not worth it.

The suffering wove itself into my personality and the lack of self-esteem equalled what I believed I was worth.

Depending on our culture, upbringing, environment, and generational patterning, we all carry a core wound that can become our own self-created suffering. The Buddhists say that’s the nature of humanity, to suffer but at the same time, we are given the opportunity to relieve our suffering by developing insight and becoming more conscious. And that is indeed what I have spent time doing, gaining insight and growing in conscious acceptance.

In that acceptance, especially of my shadowed patterns of belief, I have grown towards a comfortable softness, a comfortable kindness within. That’s not to say that I don’t have flare-ups of low self-esteem, but the major difference is, that I have a stronger part of me that doesn’t let that belief rule my inner psyche.

Suffering can be transformed into a motivator.

As I aged I could see that this underlying belief was eroding my spirit, my passion, and my sense of meaning. Everything else that was happening in my life was made small due to this belief taking up so much damn inner space.

I needed to stop avoiding my shadow beliefs and look this suffering straight in the eye so I could stop being its victim and bowing down to the weight of it. I needed to stand up and say to myself, thank you, thank you for coming, for teaching me, for showing me, but I am done with this self-inflicted suffering and I chose a different way to learn.

I found via insight meditation that I could gain enough distance to watch how my thoughts got obsessive over certain issues and would not let go which is what lead me to greater inner suffering, and gems and pearls of the art of Voice Dialogue offered me some understanding of how different parts of my subconscious played roles that came along at different times in my early years to help initially and ended up getting blocking the way.

The judge, the critic, the poor me, the protector, had a way of ganging up together and blocking me from getting to the core of the issue.

At the core of the wounding, sat my inner child who was getting bombarded by all of this negativity. The judge would condemn others but also condemn her, the critic would pick on her and tell her she wasn’t good enough and she needed to improve, and the poor me would make her feel bad that she wasn’t loved enough nor probably ever would be, and the protector would get really pissed off and resentful on her behalf. It was really hard to find a conscious link to her with all of them blocking my way.

I remember hearing someone say ‘You are so very hard on yourself and like many, I seemed to be at ease at being a lot nicer to others than I was to myself.

Didn’t I think I deserved to be nice to myself? Heading back to that memory at school in those early days and all the bullying that took place in my teens, clearly not. I

As a child born in the 60’s I had been brought up to not be selfish and to think of others. As the pleaser, the good girl, I think I took that credo way to far and put myself either primarily in the wrong or last on the list if at all.

The only way I could stop this pattern was to mend the way I thought and felt about myself. It didn’t matter what others thought or felt about me, it really came down to how I treated myself. I have learned the benefits of becoming a wise parent towards myself. Someone else may have initially initiated the wounding but I was now the owner of the feeling so it was up to me to stop adding to it.

Nowadays the upsetting thoughts are acknowledged and then unpacked with softness, cleared with tools and most importantly my inner child has my attention. I connect deeply with her and I am full of validation and kindness. It’s not like I am indulging her in any way. I am simply being there, holding space with healthy boundaries and realigning her in the truth and knowing that she is complete and accepted in all her feelings and most of all the truth that nothing is wrong with her.

Within that, I am hugely restored and have a deep sense of self-compassion and self-confidence.

That wound of low self-esteem has become a gift, that wound has taken me on paths toward my passion, that wound has taught me about healthy boundaries, that wound has brought me to knowing who I am and liking all of who I am and my place in this world. I am not normal and more so than ever, I am incredibly comfortable with that knowledge.

The shaman’s path of healing is to ingest the issue, navigate its origins, negotiate with it and then release it. I like to think that’s how I approach my inner suffering now.

Below is a little guide that may be helpful:

Ingest the wound: Swallow it, Feel it, where in your body does it affect you most? How does it sit with you, this wound, this suffering? Does it belong to you?
Navigate: What is at the base of this wound? When did this wound start? What is the core belief at the bottom of this wounding? What is the original cause? How did it manifest in you? By what means?
Negotiate: What does it look like? Does it have a vibe of some kind? Let it know you are now aware and ask what you need to do for it to back off or take a back seat. Thank it for its teaching, however hard the experience.
Release: Let it know you have got this now, you are the primary carer for yourself and you don’t need to learn via this wound anymore. With some ritual and visualisation, blow it back to the source.
Nourish your inner self with kindness towards your inner child. Tap your upper heart like a slow drum beat and let her know you are there for her.

When you can allow yourself to be aware, soft, receptive and connected so much inner suffering falls away naturally.

Make your suffering a guidepost to deeper healing towards a receptive softness.



(c) O. Nightsky 2022

Beyond worry and suffering

When the word ‘suffering’ appears, we automatically think of someone or something being hurt in some way and unless your a sociopath or a psychopath or disconnected from your feelings due to these conditions, most will feel deep empathy towards what we see to be a beings state of suffering. It may be not the case however when we are on a justice walk and someone has made others suffer. We see their suffering as somewhat justified.

In today’s times with social media and corporate giants of the media seemingly running the narrative, we see a great deal of suffering on both a global scale and a personal scale.

When someone I know is suffering, I do my best to not worry about them as I don’t want to send my worry vibe toward them energetically. Looking at the etymology of the word worry, below, no wonder I feel It’s not going to help them in any way.
Worry (v.) c. 1300, wirien, “to slay, kill or injure by biting and shaking the throat” “to strangle.”
I realise that we see this word differently from the original but still, people sending out worrying thoughts are not sending those in need anything positive in any way. Just think about it. When you are worried about someone, what is it you are projecting towards them? Fear.

I am not one for praying either as to me it feels somewhat like begging (look up Stephen Fry and his address to the catholic church for more on that view) but I know many feel a sense of connection when they pray, so each to their own path as long as it’s not encased in worry.

What I have always been moved to do, is to send compassion towards those that I feel are in need and I visualise it infused with starlight. That way I know I am adding something heartfelt to their energy that will be of benefit rather than something that may add to their upset.

Also if I am close to that person I may call on a spirit animal to ‘have their back’.

A dear friend (much like a daughter to me) had to face court due to a horrible situation and I was unable to be there. She was often scared due to the prosecution gaslighting and projecting lots of negative things upon her. The legal matters are never swift and she often said how she could feel me with her at times, due to keeping me in the loop when she went into the courtroom. Knowing this was helpful to her I got quiet and saw her with a large bear right behind her back as she leaned into it and felt safe and protected. When she came out of the court she said she could feel me so strongly supporting her. What she felt was the bear energy that I sent that I work with along with compassion wrapped in starlight. If I sat there worrying, all I would be doing would be adding to her fear and I didn’t want that.

The Buddhists refer to suffering a great deal. They see suffering as a result of us clinging to our desires or running from our aversions. After many silent 10-day meditation retreats and my experiences with Buddhism in this life and from others, I have gained a lot of insight into my inner world and how my mind can be a brilliant trickster.

A lot of my inner suffering arose due to me fighting uncomfortable feelings, running from them or ‘trying’ to ‘fix’ them. And by these reactions, I suffered even more. I’m not a practising Buddhist but I have learned so much from the middle path which has benefited me greatly. I learned that being nothing more than a compassionate witness to my suffering, was one of the most freeing acts I could offer myself. I gained an innate sense of ALLOWING the states I did not like to BE ACCEPTED as they were. The results of that? A massive decrease in personal suffering and insights into what steps to take to enhance growth and healing.

When we look at the etymology of the word ‘suffer’ The definition begins with
Suffer (v.) mid-13c., allow to occur.
We don’t want suffering to occur, we don’t want to even allow it to continue. Because we feel it’s intrinsically wrong. Again playing in the duality of right and wrong, good and bad, dark and light. As far as emotions go, observing and accepting them does help greatly. Firstly because it’s dissolving the inner dualistic battle. Sufferings antidote is compassionate observation.
As far as suffering in the world goes, of course, we want to help. Many are doing that right now in so many wonderful ways out of compassion for those in need.

On a spiritual and energetic level, we can be of help also.
Imagine a large group of people sitting in front of a large TV screen watching horrific things and worrying and projecting that worry out into the ethers, compared to a large group of people connecting and sending compassion and safety. I know which group I want to sit with.

This is what the Buddhists refer to as Metta; compassion loving-kindness. You first fill your own inner cup with compassion (if you have trouble feeling compassion, visualise something that represents pure unconditional love to you that you have no codependent attachment to, and then hold your arms out as if you are reaching for it and slowly pull it towards you to fully breathe it in and merge with it)and then when you are at peace, send compassion to those in need.
This way you are not only easing your own suffering and worry, you are also helping energetically rather than adding to the issue.

May we all practice more Metta for the benefit of ourselves and in turn all those in need.



(c) O. Nightsky 2022

Body Consciousness

To have a receptive relationship with ones earth suit, it’s important to view our body from a broader perspective, beyond the flesh and bones and sinew. We are a mass of subatomic particles and there are many layers to this body consciousness. Etheric body Emotional, Mental, Astral, Etheric Template, Celestial and Ketheric

Etheric Body: Its the closest layer to the physical body and what state it is in indicates the health, sense of security and survival of the physical body (Root Chakra)
Emotional: Represents our feelings, emotions and state of mood and has an influence on the Etheric and the physical over time. (Hara)
Mental: Thinking, cognitive processes (Head, neck and shoulders)
Astral: Love, connection and intimacy (Heart chakra)
Etheric Template: Our bodies blueprint, Our sense of identity and unique personality. (Throat chakra)
Celestial: Our connection and receptivity with spiritual beings (Third eye Chakra)
Ketheric: One with Great Mystery (Crown Chakra)

There are twelve body layers in all but the above are the primary layers that most of us are familiar with.

In noting the above it’s important to understand our bodies beyond the flesh and know that we are a many-layered being and some layers may seem fine while other layers might be out of whack and in time that will affect the others to go out of balance as well.

Viewing the body’s imbalances from a broader perspective can help to understand the messages it offers. On the shaman’s path, we tend to view everything as living energy. In that, the approach is looking firstly at what is energetically out of whack to see if from that angle we can bring some ease and help to rebalance the physical.

Some physical body ailments may need intervention by medical professionals and some may be leftover woundings from other times that in this life is not be able to be healed due to that person needing to learn through that particular ailment. It also may indicate that one is clearing karma via living with the ailment. Each person’s story is different as each person is unique.

My relationship with my earth suit has been quite a journey.
My tally of some of my earth suit challenges goes like this.

Eyes: I arrived in my earth suit with a turned in shaking left eyeball. My ability to see the 3D reality was blurred and lopsided. As i grew I was given glasses to ‘see better. I often lost them or broke them unconsciously. At three years old the cord behind my left eye was severed. Years later it became clear to me that when I was tuning into spirit while journeying others, I would often place my palm over my left eye and when doing this I could see their journey from within and pick out things that felt out of whack. The left eye on a spiritual level sees better than my right. People in sessions often find me looking away from them as I am receiving from spirit, that’s my left eye tuning in. My eye is something I cannot change due to the nature of the operation. But my relationship to it, my understanding that I can see differently through it on a celestial level is hugely valuable.

Body: At the age of seven my earth suit body was invaded by a predator. Due to shock it froze in time and stopped developing. My lower body shook involuntarily when I felt unsafe and invaded. Years later I understood that my body was protecting me by not developing as well as convulsing. Now I know the signs when my body is out of balance and I am leaving it. The shakes rarely appear nowadays. I learned how to call myself back in and what things I needed to do to help my body and spirit realign. Although I can’t change what happened my first soul retrieval healed so much on so many levels I no longer live in that memory or the fear and it does not dictate my choices.

Kidney: Between seven and eleven my right kidney started going into renal failure. After slamming it with lots of big pharma tablets, treating it for cancer, multiple tests of horrible invasions into my little body, several operations and hormone treatment, I was left with one healthy left kidney and strong etheric right kidney energy. Years later via Chinese and Tibetan medicine, I learned what the kidney needed to be in balance, that it represented fear, and the importance of monitoring my adrenal health, how to harness willpower to overcome fears that arise and to nourish and hold space for my insecurities. I have one kidney and that’s a fact but I have been told (they didn’t know I had lost one) by several seers that I had two healthy energetic kidneys. So spiritually I work with both. I am gentle in how I overcome my fears and keep in mind the wellbeing and health of my kidney with Chinese Medicine and my body consciousness nudges me when it’s in need of more nourishment.

Vision: I woke up one day and everything was spinning out of control. I saw eight of everything. I had to walk with a stick and a random doctor told me I could have a brain tumour or possibly Menhirs disease and die (and yes that was her bedside manner to a tee!) Overcoming my fear of someone else’s assumed diagnosis, I pulled myself into the centre of the spinning whirlpool and the words Cranio-sacral nudged at me from within. After three sessions of balancing the brain and spinal fluid via an expert practitioner, I saw clear again. I was in a relationship that was literally spinning me out of control and I could get any footing. I took a long hard look at what I was creating for myself and resolved it. I have learned to pace myself and give myself more energetic space as nourishment, not as a punishment to others.

Breast: I found a significant lump in my breast. I went to get it checked out. The biopsy was horrendous as they didn’t use enough aesthetics. The test results returned inconclusively and they wanted to go in a chop me up. I turned inward and my hands automatically came up to my breast and I saw the Reiki symbols. I put my hands there as often as I remembered, tuning in and turning on the symbols. I also checked my oestrogen levels which were low (which is a good indication it’s not cancer-related) and worked on my developing a better connection to nurturing myself and healthier boundaries. The lump dissolved completely. I have learned the importance of kindness and care towards myself and how being gentle with myself helps things naturally flow better in my life.

Chronic Fatigue: Its akin to walking like a zombie through glue. Everything was a huge effort. This taught me about how much energy I gave away and did not retain for my own wellbeing. How much I leaked and let myself be drained by others needs. My intuition took me via a practitioner who I had trusted in over the years to the invention of ‘Infocuticals’ which rebalances the body back to its natural state. The result? Optimum energy returned and learned tools to keep my centre of awareness within my own energy field. I have learned to monitor my self-care. Taking breaks, time out, massages, spending more time in nature and listening to when my body wants a dose of vibrational realigning help.

The above examples often had to do with my energy being out of balance and not being able to properly nurture myself. As they say, when we don’t listen the body will make us take notice.

I do quite a bit of inner body listening nowadays and have learned ways of tuning in to my mind, heart, and body consciousness to see what they want to share with me and what they need. I get a lot of good results from that. I also listen to my body inner tugging. For example, I may get up and suddenly something in my natural medicine shelf comes to mind and I know it’s my body asking for it. I do what it asks. Does it sometimes trick me? No, not really, due to now knowing the difference between let’s say a chocolate craving and a nudge. The craving has a pulling, needy vibe about it. The nudge is just that, a gentle nudge popping in. I listen to those and take action on them and they are always in sync with what my body needs. How do I know that? My body responds positively to it within 24 hours.

Maybe one of the reasons that I can hear my bodies needs is that a good chunk of my childhood was spent under the medical model where I was out of my body most of the time trying to survive. I wanted to be empowered and make my own choices by finding out what my body responded to best. I am not against the medical model as it can save lives, fix broken bones, repair arteries, remove failing kidneys etc. I just wanted to be in tune with what my earth suit needed from me.

Modalities that I have found my body responds to well.
Chinese Medicine: Herbs especially. (Be sure to find a well-experienced practitioner)
Craniosacral Osteopathy: Muscle, head, bones. No cracking or manipulation, the body just drops in and let’s go to the expert touch. (as above)
Infocuticals: Realigning my body back to natural optimum health (source online)

Now after reading what I have written I invite you to write an itinerary of your bodies challenges, what works, what doesn’t work and what insights you have or now can gain from each physical challenge. What did you need to learn from your body stopping you in your tracks? Put your hand on any relevant part of your body and ask. Listen to the first thing that pops up and write it down, no matter how daft it may sound as it may make more sense further down the track.

Working in the world of shamanism is very much about being able to be in multiple worlds. The body is itself is a multiple layered world The etheric, emotional, mental, astral, celestial, ketheric. We need to tune into more than just our flesh for answers. We need to tune into our whole body consciousness to garner what works for us as individuals.

If you would like to know how to tune in and listen to your conscious earth suit needs more, visit me at my website for a session.

Blessings Odette

(c) O. Nightsky 2022

The Coal Dust Of Criticism

Back in the days not so long past. Miners used canaries to test the quality of the air down below, to see if it was a risk to humans. Many canaries died.

I liken self-criticism to the coal dust that many including young children breathed in day after to day, to the point it would end up scaring and turning the lungs black, creating dis-ease.

Criticism affects ones mental well-being.
Criticism leaves tangible scars.
Criticism shrinks our ability to breathe in quality life force.
Criticism makes us feel heavy and weighed down.
Criticism blocks us from connecting.
Criticism leaves no room for compassion.

As you are reading this I am sure you can remember a time in your youth when you were criticised and how much it stung. Somewhere deep within the scar is very likely to still be there, especially if your still currently feeling its sting. Like many others, you took on that sting as a truth.

What about constructive criticism you ask? To be frank I have rarely found criticism to be constructive. I’m all for positive feedback and taking responsibility for what one says, whether sober or not. Many years ago I learned the art of non-violent communication. That along with mindfulness makes you much more aware of what comes out of your mouth and to use your words wisely when standing your ground.

The majority of us tend to literally absorb criticism and then somehow we have this incredible knack of turning it upon ourselves and repeating its dialogue! We learn how to run ourselves down via someone else, Be that a parent, a sibling, peer group etc. When we are young we are so open and absorbent that even if the criticism is not targeted at us, but perhaps a loved one that we care about, we tend to remember it, absorb it and turn it into a belief. Some then use criticism to protect themselves by dishing out to others or attracting people who dish it out to them or both.

Where does it stop? It stops with us. A big mammoth full STOP! We are the ones that have mastery over our own inner dialogue, no matter if it was another person’s fault for what they said. We often feel the victim of the runnings of the mind but again that’s a learned behaviour. Our mind is very pliable, mutable and has the ability to adapt to new ways of working. We just need to be its sovereign systems manager and be consistent in our management.

Criticism is highly addictive and can weirdly feel empowering as it gives one a sense of power to run down another. The empowerment is a complete illusion. It offers no authentic power whatsoever. It just slowly fills us with black coal dust, and others feel the shadow of it. As self-criticism fills us with its thick dark sticky dust it slowly eats away at any sense of authentic empowerment we may have originally felt.

Many who have a strong self-critic find it hugely difficult to stop the inner dialogue as it has the addictive element to it. Like a parasite feeding off every nasty thing that comes to mind. So it’s also really important to check your energy field via the Meditation For Sensitives in my book ‘The Bridge Between Two Worlds, A Shamans View of Schizophrenia & Acute Sensitivity.’ or you can order the mediation on its own it for $8 Aus. You see low vibrational energies and entities are attracted to this coal dust of criticism. As the coal dust coats the lungs it pulls in more dust to its walls. The lower your vibration the more open you are to psychic attack. I often find if I have absorbed something of low-grade energy I am very self-critical, impatient along with an unusual need for sugar. So be mindful to clear your energy field of what that coal dust critic attracts.

Those who are used to my blogs know I often speak from my own experience as I find that being authentic and truthful in my walk helps others to feel less isolated in their challenges.

I was highly critical of myself, primarily because I didn’t feel I fitted into the norm. At home, I was criticised for being too sensitive, too overemotional. At school I was often picked on due to my learning difficulties, my small stature, my looks, my accent, and yes, my weirdness. All these things I absorbed as faults within myself. My happy bright inner child began to slowly fill with coal dust. Initially, I seemed to just breathe the coal dust of other criticisms in, but as time went on I took over all their roles and inflicted it on myself.

What pulled me out of it? Three very important tools.
Mindfulness firstly, because it really helped me see how my mind worked to sabotage myself.
That followed with Voice Dialogue. Actually stepping back and seeing what role my inner critic played as an initial protector.
Once I got a grasp of how to manage my mind I sought to repair my connection to my inner child. As she was the one taking on all my self-criticism.

The first-ever soul retrieval I did to reclaim my abused inner child from a horrible incident, shifted something quite profoundly. Having that lost fragment returned to safely changed my inner trajectory and suddenly I felt a deep sense of maternal responsibility to nurture her. Instead of wanting to fiercely protect her which was my earlier reaction to being wounded and unsafe. I was more inclined to want to nourish her and tell her that I was right here for her, that she was unconditionally loved and there was nothing wrong with her in any way.

Over the years this has evolved to a simple act of tapping (to me is more like a slow thump of a drumbeat) my upper heart (between my throat and my heart chakra) and repeating out loud so I can hear myself say it….. ‘There is nothing wrong with you, your wonderful just as you are, I’ve got you, I love you to the moon and back.’

This is like an elixir of reassurance for my inner child. My body tension immediately drops as my centre of awareness pulls into that area. My inner critic comes to a halt and starts to dissipate. I become the archetypal parent to my child instilling a sense of nurturing and trust within them and hence within me. The mother archetype instils a sense of nurturing and the father a sense of trust. We become the yin and yang blend of the masculine and feminine in order to nourish the child’s needs for positive reassurance.

It has been proven that sensitive people are profoundly crushed by criticism as children whereas they thrive with positive reinforcement and validation. Am sure the majority of kids are like this. Like a plant, we thrive in sunlight and struggle to grow without it.

Each thumping tap of the drumbeat you offer your upper heart while telling your inner child that there is nothing wrong with them and they are unconditionally loved, helps to clear the black soot of criticism. If you know you have a strong leaning towards self-criticism or criticism of others, write the bile thoughts out in a journal and get them out of your consciousness and then tap your upper heart. This way you don’t fight that your being critical as fighting only makes things multiply. Instead, you are acknowledging, taking responsibility and clearing that which does not serve you any longer in order to move into a more compassionate space towards yourself and others. I always say thank you to things I am letting go of no matter what their vibration as they are all part of the path of growth and learning.

May this encourage you to clear some inner coal dust to make way for the flow of compassion so it leads to a better relationship with your inner child.

For further guidance, you are most welcome to contact me for Shamanic Inner Child Journey Work.




Your Unique Authentic Self

People often ask me how did I manage to be comfortable with my unique ways of understanding and viewing things when they bumped up against… lets say societies norms both within family and peer groups.

Honestly, It wasn’t an easy ride. Looking back at my childhood after the initial early years, I definitely wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and felt very different from the norm, I didn’t trust my own instincts much at all.

On reflection, the primary wound for me was that I believed I was somehow ‘faulty’ in some way, in comparison to others. The more I thought that, the more I tried to compensate for it which just increased the feelings of not fitting in. I mean I was into Graveyards, Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Ghosts and Seances and diving into others psyche, and asking way too personal probing questions. Like ‘what do you think happens when you die?’ You can imagine how well that goes down in peer groups who like light chit chat? On top of that I wasn’t a reactive rebel, I was a good girl pleaser who didn’t like getting into trouble. I just wanted to belong, with my weirdness in tow.

I was regularly deemed too sensitive, too emotional, too serious and too inquisitively inappropriate. I saw and felt things others didn’t and was mocked and laughed at by even my own family.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I just didn’t fit the societal norm, and I didn’t know what to do with being different. I didn’t have enough self confidence to stand up for myself because I wasn’t quite sure of who I was compared to the outside world and I truly believed via my encounters with others, that I must have been faulty. The few times I did stand up I was told I was being too righteous or full on. Probably because I held down my feelings for too long and when they did come up the energy that came with them pushed people away.

This feeling of being faulty took a long time to overcome. Strangely enough, it took me going mad and losing my sense of self within my psyche to make me wake up to how acute this imbalance was and redirected my spirit to find my authentic path.

Years later I am still weird, still sensitive, emotional, serious about certain subjects and a deep diver of the inner psyche. The difference is I am much more balanced in my inner lights and shadows and utterly happy with my differences. It has defined me in positive ways that I never imagined. It is my unique soul signature that I tried to suppress for many years, with very little success. It is accepted and lovingly embraced within my psyche

What I needed back then was for someone to put my uniqueness into a positive framework and encourage the sensitive talents I had, rather than picking on my differences. That didn’t happen due to the era of conformity I grew up in.

Over the years, I grew to understand that I needed to create my own inner peer group of acceptance (my guides and animal kin), be my own parent (I know the kind of self talk my inner child needs to hear when doubt , insecurity and fear creeps in). I have her back, hence my own. Honestly when I take time out, turn inward, connect with my inner guides (kin) and reassure my inner child that nothing is wrong with her while tapping my upper heart, and visually hold her, I get such a fulfilling nourishing feeling through my whole being, its indescribable and I feel so connected. When I do this kind of inner connecting, I feel my authentic self, truly connected in doing what comes naturally. By connecting with my inner kin and child, I return to my true nature, my authenticity.

The claiming and owning of your authentic self makes life much more fulfilling and as more of your authentic self is reclaimed your compassion for others whether they get you or not, grows. You don’t have to stand on the roof tops and shout ‘This is me! Deal with it!’ You just need to move within and tell your inner child, that they are perfect just the way they are and like a child needs loving reassurance, make sure your inner child gets the same regularly and that you hang with your inner kin when you need to feel seen and supported.

There is no-one quite like you anywhere, you are unique. Embrace it.




The Path Of Knowing

Its really easy, too easy to get thrown off ones path. Peoples opinions, judgements and influences can pull you every which way.

I can like anyone else, get pulled off the path to a degree, and in reaction I find myself getting in a mind muddle, unconsciously experiencing other peoples emotional influences in my energy field and feeling quite low mood wise.

When working specifically with spiritual or psychic influences I’m on to it and know how to clear things and bring things into balance, but admittedly when it comes to general human interactions, I sometimes forget the impact of another persons energy on mine and what I can absorb being the sensitive being that I am.

When I get the warning signs, I know its time to turn inward and recalibrate with my soul essence.

When I lived alone it was a lot easier as I would just close the doors, windows, phone etc, turn in and reboot. I would let people know so they wouldn’t worry and my friends would refer to me going into my cave.

You could even compare it to how men need to be in their cave for a time.

Not all women need to emotionally share in comparison. Some women like me, need their own space to reflect as well, maybe not a cave as such, but similar. We need our quite reflective time too!

Its an opportunity to walk inside, nourish and realign with ones inner knowing, ones inner truth devoid of outside influences.

No longer living alone, I do find it challenging, to process with constant interruptions on top of work that needs attention. And the freedom fighter in me occasionally wants scream FREEEEDOM! in reaction. Owning my inner warrior is important and listening to their needs, paramount.

Until I get a good chunk of space to myself (It takes me a while to fully wind down so a few weeks is ideal), what I can do, what I am able to do right here, right now, is spend little pockets of time in reflection within my inner sanctuary and my writing in my journal. Honestly I would be lost without the benefits of both.

Writing in my journal teaches me about myself. Not by reading it, by allowing my inner dialogue full unedited expression. I may start out by simply writing my reactions but as I continue without any need to correct, or judge, I find that my sense of authentic truth finds it way and my perspective changes from reaction to realization. It brings me back to my own inner truth, warts and all and then the insight and compassion kicks in. From there I can move into a meditative state and do what ever my soul calls me to do, be that simply being, journeying, or becoming soft with my breath. Honest expression and inner nourishment leads me to the flow of inner knowing.

Sometimes the best person to unpack things with is myself. I do get a lot from sharing with others being a woman, but I also value that inner retreat of reflection, where I can come back to my authentic connection with my soul that is connected to source.

Beyond mind, beyond feeling, way beyond belief, there is knowing. Knowing to me is inline with the middle path. It has no pull one way or the other. Its at peace in the middle, beyond the duality of yes and no, right and wrong, good or bad, like or dislike etc. It simply IS.

In the path of the Tao there is an expression Wu Wei. I learned it while doing Qigong many years back. The meaning of Wu Wei is ‘Effortless action’. Or as Alan Watts would say, ‘The art of not forcing’. The physical way I learned it before the philosophy of Taoism was taught, was standing with my legs apart hip wide, my feet firmly planted in the earth (roots) and being able to be move in any direction from the waist up (trunk) as I swung my arms around(branches) I was relaxed and ready at the same time. It doesn’t matter what comes, or from what direction, I am in a relaxed and ready state. That’s when I feel a real tangible resonance with the state of ‘knowing’ feeling relaxed, centered and yet ready for anything.

As you can see in the brackets above, I often see where the symbolism of the tree fits into my path. I view my body as a living tree in ways. So the position of Wu Wei connects me to my natural alignment with the tree energy. My legs are the roots of earthly connectedness, my torso the trunk of core stability and my arms the branches of flexibility. I become the tree that adapts to natures constant changes but stays connected and earthed. I find my way back to this space of relaxed knowing after journaling and spending time within. In writing this I have an instinctive urge to get up and do the movement of Wu Wei.

And so I did! In doing it I would like to add that I began after positioning my feet to sway a little with my arms and my knees, this way and that, and then slowing down I slowly came back to the center and stopped, which naturally dropped into the present Wu Wei space. Quiet, nourishing and empty yet also full.

From that a inner knowing arises, not of the ego, simply as sense of being, knowing, connecting beyond the mind and expectations of myself or anyone else’s influence. This is where all the opinions of others fall away and I can just be present an in alignment with my own sense of authentic truth.

May you know yours.