Back in the days not so long past. Miners used canaries to test the quality of the air down below, to see if it was a risk to humans. Many canaries died.
I liken self-criticism to the coal dust that many including young children breathed in day after to day, to the point it would end up scaring and turning the lungs black, creating dis-ease.
Criticism affects ones mental well-being.
Criticism leaves tangible scars.
Criticism shrinks our ability to breathe in quality life force.
Criticism makes us feel heavy and weighed down.
Criticism blocks us from connecting.
Criticism leaves no room for compassion.
As you are reading this I am sure you can remember a time in your youth when you were criticised and how much it stung. Somewhere deep within the scar is very likely to still be there, especially if your still currently feeling its sting. Like many others, you took on that sting as a truth.
What about constructive criticism you ask? To be frank I have rarely found criticism to be constructive. I’m all for positive feedback and taking responsibility for what one says, whether sober or not. Many years ago I learned the art of non-violent communication. That along with mindfulness makes you much more aware of what comes out of your mouth and to use your words wisely when standing your ground.
The majority of us tend to literally absorb criticism and then somehow we have this incredible knack of turning it upon ourselves and repeating its dialogue! We learn how to run ourselves down via someone else, Be that a parent, a sibling, peer group etc. When we are young we are so open and absorbent that even if the criticism is not targeted at us, but perhaps a loved one that we care about, we tend to remember it, absorb it and turn it into a belief. Some then use criticism to protect themselves by dishing out to others or attracting people who dish it out to them or both.
Where does it stop? It stops with us. A big mammoth full STOP! We are the ones that have mastery over our own inner dialogue, no matter if it was another person’s fault for what they said. We often feel the victim of the runnings of the mind but again that’s a learned behaviour. Our mind is very pliable, mutable and has the ability to adapt to new ways of working. We just need to be its sovereign systems manager and be consistent in our management.
Criticism is highly addictive and can weirdly feel empowering as it gives one a sense of power to run down another. The empowerment is a complete illusion. It offers no authentic power whatsoever. It just slowly fills us with black coal dust, and others feel the shadow of it. As self-criticism fills us with its thick dark sticky dust it slowly eats away at any sense of authentic empowerment we may have originally felt.
Many who have a strong self-critic find it hugely difficult to stop the inner dialogue as it has the addictive element to it. Like a parasite feeding off every nasty thing that comes to mind. So it’s also really important to check your energy field via the Meditation For Sensitives in my book ‘The Bridge Between Two Worlds, A Shamans View of Schizophrenia & Acute Sensitivity.’ or you can order the mediation on its own it for $8 Aus. You see low vibrational energies and entities are attracted to this coal dust of criticism. As the coal dust coats the lungs it pulls in more dust to its walls. The lower your vibration the more open you are to psychic attack. I often find if I have absorbed something of low-grade energy I am very self-critical, impatient along with an unusual need for sugar. So be mindful to clear your energy field of what that coal dust critic attracts.
Those who are used to my blogs know I often speak from my own experience as I find that being authentic and truthful in my walk helps others to feel less isolated in their challenges.
I was highly critical of myself, primarily because I didn’t feel I fitted into the norm. At home, I was criticised for being too sensitive, too overemotional. At school I was often picked on due to my learning difficulties, my small stature, my looks, my accent, and yes, my weirdness. All these things I absorbed as faults within myself. My happy bright inner child began to slowly fill with coal dust. Initially, I seemed to just breathe the coal dust of other criticisms in, but as time went on I took over all their roles and inflicted it on myself.
What pulled me out of it? Three very important tools.
Mindfulness firstly, because it really helped me see how my mind worked to sabotage myself.
That followed with Voice Dialogue. Actually stepping back and seeing what role my inner critic played as an initial protector.
Once I got a grasp of how to manage my mind I sought to repair my connection to my inner child. As she was the one taking on all my self-criticism.
The first-ever soul retrieval I did to reclaim my abused inner child from a horrible incident, shifted something quite profoundly. Having that lost fragment returned to safely changed my inner trajectory and suddenly I felt a deep sense of maternal responsibility to nurture her. Instead of wanting to fiercely protect her which was my earlier reaction to being wounded and unsafe. I was more inclined to want to nourish her and tell her that I was right here for her, that she was unconditionally loved and there was nothing wrong with her in any way.
Over the years this has evolved to a simple act of tapping (to me is more like a slow thump of a drumbeat) my upper heart (between my throat and my heart chakra) and repeating out loud so I can hear myself say it….. ‘There is nothing wrong with you, your wonderful just as you are, I’ve got you, I love you to the moon and back.’
This is like an elixir of reassurance for my inner child. My body tension immediately drops as my centre of awareness pulls into that area. My inner critic comes to a halt and starts to dissipate. I become the archetypal parent to my child instilling a sense of nurturing and trust within them and hence within me. The mother archetype instils a sense of nurturing and the father a sense of trust. We become the yin and yang blend of the masculine and feminine in order to nourish the child’s needs for positive reassurance.
It has been proven that sensitive people are profoundly crushed by criticism as children whereas they thrive with positive reinforcement and validation. Am sure the majority of kids are like this. Like a plant, we thrive in sunlight and struggle to grow without it.
Each thumping tap of the drumbeat you offer your upper heart while telling your inner child that there is nothing wrong with them and they are unconditionally loved, helps to clear the black soot of criticism. If you know you have a strong leaning towards self-criticism or criticism of others, write the bile thoughts out in a journal and get them out of your consciousness and then tap your upper heart. This way you don’t fight that your being critical as fighting only makes things multiply. Instead, you are acknowledging, taking responsibility and clearing that which does not serve you any longer in order to move into a more compassionate space towards yourself and others. I always say thank you to things I am letting go of no matter what their vibration as they are all part of the path of growth and learning.
May this encourage you to clear some inner coal dust to make way for the flow of compassion so it leads to a better relationship with your inner child.
For further guidance, you are most welcome to contact me for Shamanic Inner Child Journey Work.