People often ask me how did I manage to be comfortable with my unique ways of understanding and viewing things when they bumped up against… lets say societies norms both within family and peer groups.
Honestly, It wasn’t an easy ride. Looking back at my childhood after the initial early years, I definitely wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and felt very different from the norm, I didn’t trust my own instincts much at all.
On reflection, the primary wound for me was that I believed I was somehow ‘faulty’ in some way, in comparison to others. The more I thought that, the more I tried to compensate for it which just increased the feelings of not fitting in. I mean I was into Graveyards, Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Ghosts and Seances and diving into others psyche, and asking way too personal probing questions. Like ‘what do you think happens when you die?’ You can imagine how well that goes down in peer groups who like light chit chat? On top of that I wasn’t a reactive rebel, I was a good girl pleaser who didn’t like getting into trouble. I just wanted to belong, with my weirdness in tow.
I was regularly deemed too sensitive, too emotional, too serious and too inquisitively inappropriate. I saw and felt things others didn’t and was mocked and laughed at by even my own family.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I just didn’t fit the societal norm, and I didn’t know what to do with being different. I didn’t have enough self confidence to stand up for myself because I wasn’t quite sure of who I was compared to the outside world and I truly believed via my encounters with others, that I must have been faulty. The few times I did stand up I was told I was being too righteous or full on. Probably because I held down my feelings for too long and when they did come up the energy that came with them pushed people away.
This feeling of being faulty took a long time to overcome. Strangely enough, it took me going mad and losing my sense of self within my psyche to make me wake up to how acute this imbalance was and redirected my spirit to find my authentic path.
Years later I am still weird, still sensitive, emotional, serious about certain subjects and a deep diver of the inner psyche. The difference is I am much more balanced in my inner lights and shadows and utterly happy with my differences. It has defined me in positive ways that I never imagined. It is my unique soul signature that I tried to suppress for many years, with very little success. It is accepted and lovingly embraced within my psyche
What I needed back then was for someone to put my uniqueness into a positive framework and encourage the sensitive talents I had, rather than picking on my differences. That didn’t happen due to the era of conformity I grew up in.
Over the years, I grew to understand that I needed to create my own inner peer group of acceptance (my guides and animal kin), be my own parent (I know the kind of self talk my inner child needs to hear when doubt , insecurity and fear creeps in). I have her back, hence my own. Honestly when I take time out, turn inward, connect with my inner guides (kin) and reassure my inner child that nothing is wrong with her while tapping my upper heart, and visually hold her, I get such a fulfilling nourishing feeling through my whole being, its indescribable and I feel so connected. When I do this kind of inner connecting, I feel my authentic self, truly connected in doing what comes naturally. By connecting with my inner kin and child, I return to my true nature, my authenticity.
The claiming and owning of your authentic self makes life much more fulfilling and as more of your authentic self is reclaimed your compassion for others whether they get you or not, grows. You don’t have to stand on the roof tops and shout ‘This is me! Deal with it!’ You just need to move within and tell your inner child, that they are perfect just the way they are and like a child needs loving reassurance, make sure your inner child gets the same regularly and that you hang with your inner kin when you need to feel seen and supported.
There is no-one quite like you anywhere, you are unique. Embrace it.