Grief is one of the most important journeys we will ever experience. It has a way of taking us to places within ourselves that we never thought possible. It brings up such strong emotions for so many. There are those that don’t seem to express their feelings, tending to shut down and detach, but its not that they don’t feel, its more like they have learned through not wanting to experience deep emotions, to lock things in drawers deep down in their psyche. These people peeled back are generally far more terrified of their emotions than the ones who express them, even floridly.
The transient time during them leaving the body and fully letting go, I find to be the most challenging energetically as their are between worlds so to speak, but once on the other side, its a powerful release.
Right now this is happening in my personal life. A dear friend from a long time back is on her way out of her earth suit. I can feel her in the betwixt world now and the love and sorrow of those who will miss her dearly.
Many people want to know if those they love are alright on the other side and that can bring great comfort but often they ask for themselves, as they are the ones that are finding it so difficult to let go, due to what is left unsaid or undone. Time and time again I have had messages from those that pass over. They are no longer trapped in these earth bound emotions and thoughts regardless of what happened. They are free of them, completely.
They often nudge me to encourage people to stop blaming themselves and punishing those they may be angry with for not being there for them. To those that have passed over, these things, these dense feelings are heavy, in comparison to them being so light.
(Ghosts are another subject all together, for another post. They trap themselves via strong emotions, yet many can be released and some need to be in that state for their own spiritual evolvement.)
Losing someone dear to you can carve a deep hole in your psyche due to all the feelings and challenges that have been lying in wait to be cleared. Thats why Elizabeth Kubler Ross was so helpful in understanding the grief cycle. None of the feelings on that wheel come in any order and they hit at random and unexpected moments. Rage is common and should not be shut down but safety expressed where possible. People often lash out around someones death and often to those closest as it also bring up a sense of lack of other things that may have meaning to them on some other level.
Feelings are very hard to manage during these times and there is no right or wrong way to feel but projecting your pain onto others, really doesn’t help anyone so if you can share with someone safe or purge it in some safe way, it will be more healing than bringing more discord. If you are verbally abused, do your best to find a way to move away, drop it, let it go for your own wellbeing and everyone else’s sake in name of that person who has passed.
Journal or paint and express your hurt in a safe way and then pack it up and set it free somehow. If the death of someone brings up things that you can no longer stomach then see it as an opportunity for healing and clearing of that which no longer serves, without adding more discord. Maybe you knew this a long time ago but now death has brought it right up to the surface to be healed and cleared.
I am often asked what happens when people die. Where do they go? I can only speak from my own experience, as that is how I learn what is true for me personally.
When my middle brother passed, I was shattered to say the least. I sobbed uncontrollably in the chapel, more than anyone. Seeing his body lying there looking like he was sleeping but knowing no one was home was enlightening but at the same time devastating. I was the only member of my family to go in and see him in the open casket. The man in there insisted he stay, probably fearing I would faint. I wanted to be alone and he kept insisting till I snapped at him and told him to go. I needed to be alone with my brother and after saying it nicely several times, I just lost my cool. My mother shut down completely, my older brother was stoic but couldn’t wait to leave, and when I wasn’t trying to support my middle brothers child and his wife, I was a mess on the floor of the shower recess, sobbing my silent tears. I hoped he was alright on the other side, being the atheist as he was. I wanted him to come into my dreams so I could be sure but I wanted so hard, nothing came. Something that many who grieve the loss of a loved one have in common.
A year to the day he died, the dream came. I saw a beautiful green field rising up from a lush valley of trees and a babbling brook. On a rock wall, just high enough to sit on, we sat together. So close. I could feel the heat of his arm within his checkered flannel shirt on my skin. It was so lucidly clear, even now as I write so many years later, it never fades. I said to him,’ So, how is it? He pushed towards me, and laughed. ‘Your and all your spiritual shit! How did you know?’ I laughed hard. We had always had heated debates about spiritual existence. I was never an advocate of the religious path for more than a blink of an eye, but I was totally into ghosts the paranormal, reincarnation, graveyards and all things otherworldly.
My brother never once gave in during a battle of words when he was alive. A very fixed minded Scorpio who would not relent on what he was sure of, yet here he was poking me in the ribs while chuckling, admitting that I was right! I laughed again at the wonderful cosmic joke of it all, and then asked him more about where he was. He said he had been in this healing place for a while and was ready to moving on. I looked around at this healing place, it was so calm, serene and although it may have been a projection of what I imagine to be a healing place, it made perfect sense to me, due to what my brother suffered from before his passings.
I have felt many others who pass over from a difficult illness move into that same kind of space, its always very calm and they feel very taken care of.
Other people that have passed over who have shown me they are at peace, often show themselves in an environment that seems to fit in with their personality type. I also often see them in their last moments as they are transitioning out to the other side. The first time was seeing my best friends death, as the car was crushed and I could see and feel her last moments. To those that want to know, be assured that they are always out of there body before the impact and last breath.
The expansion of space when they move through to the other side is such a liberating feeling. Often times they share how heavy the body felt before they left it.
In suicides it can take some time and the healing place in my experience is always the next step. There is no judgement, no punishment of any kind other than the struggle to release their own anguish. And they are always lovingly supported.
I will never forget my friend who took his life coming into my dream after a year had passed . The warmth of the spirit body was amazing to feel as he embraced me to his chest.
So knowing this, experiencing this other side connection, does it make me grieve any less? No of course not. When someone close to me leaves there body, I will grieve the loss of their human being-ness. I will cry, I will mourn. And I will make sure they are on their way with all the love I can muster.
Do I now still grieve for my best friend, my friend that suicided, my father, my brother, my child that was not born into flesh? No, I don’t. Do I have moments of sentimentality and wishing they were around? Occasionally yes. of course I do. Do I feel them around me? My father, yes and strongly when he comes, my brother once in a while, my unborn child, yes within the shamanic realms when she helps me with fragmented aspects of peoples wounded child. There is a deeper connection within me in relation to them now, and I cherish it.
Many people fragment when death occurs as it can be very traumatising depending on who and under what circumstances. So its really important to practice things like recapitulation daily and if you are drowning see a grief counsellor and or book a session or two of Soul Retrieval with someone who is an expert in this field. (Not just someone who advertise it as part of along list of what they do, find and expert who specialises in this specific practice.)
Grief is a giant wave that bring us to our knees. In my experience, when a person leaves there body they do hang around in close proximity at the very least till after the funeral. Are they able to move on and still be available? Yes many are. In the otherworld there is no time, no past, present or future as such. An aspect of each being will always be available to access without them needing to be anywhere. The souls consciousness is part of great mystery and is part of the whole. Wether we can receive what is being communicated, well that for us to work on.
Each breath you take through the wave of pain, see yourself staying open even in the agony of loss. Death and birth are kindreds, they both can be incredibly painful and transitions can feel beyond uncomfortable, but it is part of our journey here.
Grief is one of the most important rites of passage on the path of life. In shamanism death is part of life and the pain takes you deeper and teaches you about your capacity to love, let go, connect to the otherworld and how far your wounds run. Its painful, very painful but also it takes you to a place like no other where you are able if you are willing to reassess and put your life into perspective. It is a grand master of a teacher and a transformer like no other.