Its that time of year again when many wrestle with the dynamics of Christmas. You have heard of the ‘Black sheep of the family’ that stands out from everyone else, here I am referring to another sort of black sheep. The sensitive black sheep who may appear like they fit in but on the inside its a whole other story….
There are are various types of sensitive black sheep.
- The Pleaser: Wanting and needing to be loved to the point of going over the top with emotional buying and gestures of love but feeling rejected a unappriecated whatever is done.
- The Absorber: The one that absorbs everything that the family is in denial of.
- The Protector: The one fighting in everyone’s corner when someone says something nasty or unkind. And feels the fire burn within when someone makes fun of them in an insensitive manner or takes them for granted.
- The Counsellor: the one everyone comes and tells all their troubles to about the other relative. Doesn’t really want to deal with it, but wants you to hear about it anyway
Of course there is the good old atheist Scrooge archetype bellowing the ba humbug at the commercial crap and the waste of THEIR money and the tree loving pagan wishing that people would follow the real history rather than changing it to suit the Roman Calendar.
In this blog post I am referring to
All four archetypes within can feel very emotional and rejected during xmas time. Xmas has a similar dynamic to birthdays in that it can bring up old family hurts, rejections, and expectations. The challenging thing about Xmas is that it is a celebration that ‘socieity and the church’ created. It actually has no signifigance unless you are a devotee of Mithraism (the persian war god who was born on the day). It was not the day jesus was born. FACT. If ever their was a pisces it was jesus, just look at the way he died, so picean in his sacrifice for the good of all…..
So Xmas is a collective celebration that has been created by brilliant marketing, but we all get pulled in to some degree even if that’s being a Scrooge, the Scrooge is reacting to getting pulled in.
For many of us it’s the one time of year when we see members of the family we may not otherwise encounter. It’s an opportunity to spend time, lie around and eat good food with relatives. It has within it memories from childhood laced within the decorations, the music that no-one can escape and all the expectations wrapped up in Xmas paper.
- The pleaser is wanting to be loved and is scared of rejection so it pleases as much as it can to the point of losing itself in other people’s ajenda’s. One slight insult can set them crumbling into the hurt child and go into flight mode and want out really bad.
- The absorber is like a giant sponge soaking up the wet and soggy emotions and feels tired and overwhelmed from it. They may find themselves feeling too much to the point of not being able to enjoy anything. There is then a tendency to get confused at what one is really feeling and highly sensitive to noises and certain tones of voice in others.
- The protector is so busy trying to look after everyone and especially protect the self from any snide attack from any angle. The protector finds it difficult to relax and is on fight mode when needed. This can turn into tantrums, huffs, back stabbing and wanting to win and make the final point.
- The counselor is listening to everyone’s stories, but may find that as the listener no-one is really interested in them or asking anything about them. They may feel like a depository for everyone else’s wounds and feeling rejected at the same time.
You may find that you relate to all of these archetypes, feeling like the black sheep of the family watching everyone get on with it while you struggle to cope
At the base of all of these characters within you is the INNER CHILD. There are reasons that you feel so much during this time of year. It may be you are grieving people that you have lost, it may be that you can never remember a xmas without a fight, or the family dynamics are just so strong that it triggers your old stuff over and over again.
Space: be the one to offer to go and get something, take time out and slow your breath down, esp on the exhale.
Water: In the shower or in the bathroom recapitulate your energy back and blow out others you have taken on. Grab some salt and give your body a good energy scrub esp at the base of back of your neck. If there is a pool (or bath)go and float in it at a time others are busy and put your ears under the water, be mindful of your breath going in and out slowly.
Walks and Play: Take every opportunity you can to go for a walk, take a dog with you as a reason if you need it. Call your spirit back into your body as you are walking. Stop and really look at a flower, a tree, a leaf, stop and pull yourself into the present and observe. You might also like to play with the kids rather than the older bunch as the children can help your inner child to let go and have some fun.
Meditate: If you are able find even a few minutes (as much as you can get) to sit and drop in and watch the mind and all the thoughts fly by like the breeze, breathe in the energy of the mother earth up into your base chakra and then resting sitting comfortably in your belly. Expand and see yourself as more than just your mind. You are a spiritual being in a human body. You are NOT your mind. You are far more than what you think. Choose to receive and let energy flow into you.
Journal: Write all your reactionary feelings in the journal. Take it to the toilet with you if you have to. Don’t be nice about it, just get the shadow feelings out. Let the inner child or protector speak its upset through writing (remember to store it away well so another wont open it. Then recapitulate soon after in the water)
Finally, take a moment sit down (before bed if you can at no other time) and remember that YOU are the parent to your inner child. Speak to your inner child how you would like to be spoken to at xmas time or at such a time. Tell the child how valued and loved they are. You may feel rejected from others which makes the protector very angry but as the parent of your inner child you can say ‘well the buck stops here’ and give he/she the love and gentleness they deserve. Be the parent to yourself you always wanted. You might like to go to your sanctuary and call them and tell them how much you love them, you might be happily surprised at the response.
Be kind and gentle to yourself at this time of year. You may well take things personally and that’s ok, just remember that its up to you to help your inner child to feel loved, heard and cared for. No one knows them like you do.